


the taste of you

by fiveyaaas



Series: apocalypse guys make do [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: (he gets more feral as the series progresses), (this is simply level one), Angst and Fluff and Smut, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Food Kink, Food Sex, I could blame this on the fact that it’s an exchange, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Vaginal Fingering, but I adore writing feral five lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:16:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: He didn’t think he was overprotective, all things considered.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: apocalypse guys make do [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022535
Comments: 8
Kudos: 67





	the taste of you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chevalier_Barthelemy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chevalier_Barthelemy/gifts).



> Hello!!! This is for Chevalier_Barthelemy, who agreed to do a fic exchange with me!!!! I love your writing a lot, and I appreciate talking to you!!! I’m so excited to read what you wrote for the exchange, and I hope you enjoy this!!!! 💕💕💕

He didn’t think he was overprotective, all things considered. 

Normal people got worried about people they cared about. It was a normal reaction, and he shouldn’t be ashamed of it.

However many times he told himself, he was incapable of calming down. 

It was Ben who found him, panicking. Likely Klaus was in a room or two over, causing him to be corporeal. “You’re welcome to talk,” he offered, crouching down beside him. “But I’ll just tell them we talked if you don’t want to. I know sometimes talking  _ doesn’t  _ help.”

“Is Vanya home?” Five choked out, clutching his stomach. 

“No, and she doesn’t know what happened,” Ben told him. “Luther will be fine. He’ll probably act like a kicked puppy for a bit, but, hey, everyone in this family could deal with a little humbling like that.”

He set his head in his hands.

“Hey, he’s not upset with you.” 

Five rolled his eyes, even if Ben couldn’t see it. He could walk through walls, so he’d likely seen a lot of these panic attacks. 

“When Vanya gets home, I’ll tell her to come to you, okay?” 

Five didn’t respond, but Ben nodded like he was satisfied, phasing through the walls, likely going back to Klaus.

* * *

Vanya sat on his lap, flicking through the pages of a book somewhat disinterestedly. Every few moments, her hips would roll against his, but he was waiting for the moment that she would ask him to touch her, wanting to hear it from her lips. While he waited for it, he scribbled in a notebook, having begrudgingly agreed to it when they were at her apartment. She only lived there part of the week, but she was trying to get comfortable living alone again. Five would do whatever he could to make her feel better in her need for independence, even if it meant using a notebook instead of throwing on some chalkboard paint primer to one of her walls.

Absentmindedly, he set his hand on her hip, steadying her before tensing. He could feel her bones. She was too thin. Five studied her cheeks, sunken in enough that he could see the bones in her face as well. Images filled his mind of his scarred body, aging through time with bones that stood out. Another image, of Vanya, starving beside him, was created in reaction to it. The ash was suffocating him- 

“Are you okay?” 

He blinked the images away, staring at her. “Are you hungry at all? Would you like to get something to eat?” 

Her eyes filled with confusion, “Why do you ask?”

“I’m… hungry,” he lied, not having had an appetite for a bit but still eating, trying to ensure he wouldn’t starve again. 

“Oh,” Vanya smiled. “Sure.”

He tugged at his hair, frowning at the gray strand that came out. Despite the fact that he very much appreciated having an adult body, he might have preferred being the exact same age physically as Vanya. Really, he only appeared to be in his 40s, and most people didn’t even comment on their age difference in public. Still, he didn’t like that he would have less time with her. Ideally, he would have been the same age, and they could have grown old together. 

It was better than a multitude of other scenarios though. 

Five grabbed a coat for her, placing it on her shoulders and trying not to grimace at how thin she was. She would think it was an appearance thing, and it wasn’t at  _ all.  _ All that he cared about was that she was fed and taken care of, and, seeing her looking so thin made him feel like he’d failed to do so. They went to a small Italian place near her apartment, and he smiled as she chewed on the bread in front of her, staring off into the distance absentmindedly. She zoned out a lot these days, and, though he’d love her to be more present, he understood. There was a lot to think about, and she deserved as much space as she needed to think about it.

When their food got to them, she blinked confusedly, blushing as she realized she’d done it again, reaching out for his hand, which he let her take easily. It was a normal thing they did, both of them needing physical reassurance that the other was actually there. A small intimacy that he tended to avoid with other people, but he was thankful to offer her reassurance in any way he could. He leaned down, pressing his lips to the back of her hand, and she smiled. 

They did not leave until she’d eaten everything, and his nerves were calmed for the rest of the night.

* * *

Vanya had never had much of an appetite, and it was starting to distress him to watch her push around her food but ultimately not eat more than a third of any food she got. He’d learned how to cook to make food that she liked, but most days it ended up that he ate most of her portion after she glanced up guiltily. Five never complained or expressed his distress, knowing it was his own problem, but she hadn’t gained any weight at all since they’d gotten together, seemingly having  _ lost  _ some if anything. 

And, so, he got a little desperate. 

He couldn’t come out right and say, _ ‘I sometimes feel like you’re going to starve to death if I don’t make sure you’re eating enough, and I keep thinking of every way I failed you if you don’t eat.’ _ However, if she didn’t know  _ why  _ he wanted her to eat, he worried she’d assume that he didn’t like her appearance, which wasn’t accurate at all. 

So, he lied. And said he had a very  _ specific  _ fetish. 

Namely that he liked jerking off while watching her eat. 

_ Technically,  _ neither of those things were separately a lie, but he probably shouldn’t have said it nonetheless. For the few moments after he said it, he considered what it would be like- living the rest of his days all alone again, except with people, alive, surrounding him at all angles. 

And then Vanya had asked for specific details, which he had to lie on the spot about until finally she smiled and told him they could try it.

Five gaped at her, not believing that he’d really just witnessed Vanya agreeing to trying out a kink that he’d lied about having in the first place.

But… he wanted her to eat more, and it was not like the thought of masturbating in front of Vanya was completely abhorrent. Really, it wouldn’t be a huge deal at all. Even if he felt guilty that he’d not just confessed  _ why  _ he wanted her to eat more.

* * *

Vanya frowned at him, picking at a salad confusedly, “Is there like? A specific thing that does it for you that I need to include?”

_ “What?” _

She gestured vaguely at all of the food in front of her, “Do you only get off if- I don’t know- I use a spoon instead of a fork?”

“I…” He wasn’t sure how to process that, wondering if she would be more likely to figure out he’d lied if he said no specific thing. However, he didn’t want her to be uncomfortable, so he just said, “Eat however you’d normally eat.” 

Vanya shrugged, stabbing a tomato with a fork and shoving it in her mouth. It occurred to him that she tried to be  _ provocative  _ in the action, and he nearly confessed everything right then, guilty as Hell that he’d gotten her roped into his own trauma. 

But then he watched her mouth close over the fork again, and he was glad he didn’t say anything. 

He would  _ never  _ admit this to anybody, but, when she closed her eyes, making a small noise (that he was almost entirely certain was staged and was completely certain that it worked for him anyways), he nearly groaned himself. His hand slipped underneath his boxers, knowing Vanya heard it even if her eyes were closed. Realizing that she’d likely heard him do this before  _ did  _ cause him to groan, and her eyes snapped open, flashing blue for just a second while she watched him touch himself. She speared a piece of chicken breast as her eyes flicked back to brown, blushing, and he watched in acute fascination as she nibbled against it. They both were panting as she swallowed it down, and she got up, moving to sit beside him, eyes zoning in on the tenting of his pants as she ate another piece of chicken. 

Five groaned, and she reached out for him, blushing, equally as affected by this as he was. She continued nibbling bits of food, watching the slow, leisurely way he jerked himself as she did. Her free hand touched his thigh, scooting closer to him, likely wanting to get onto his lap but not getting close enough to do so. Even though he made no attempt at hiding how much he loved her, she was still as shy as she was needy. 

He took his hand off of himself, lifting her up and setting her on his lap, encouraging her to roll her hips on him. An idea slipped into his mind, and he mumbled for her to keep going as he reached over, grabbing a fork and stabbing more salad into it, placing his hand against her hip to keep her steady. Vanya opened her mouth before he even asked, and he jerked his hips up, coaxing it to her lips, praising her as she closed her mouth around the tines. 

When she’d eaten all of her food, he scooped her up, walking them to the couch instead of their bed, laying her out for him as he stripped down. Vanya watched him with doe-like eyes as he did so, and he felt a smile tug against the corners of his mouth as he realized that she was waiting for him to undress her. She was so  _ needy,  _ and he loved it so much. Five cooed out softly to her as he peeled each layer of clothing from her body, realizing she was cold and hastily shoving a blanket atop her, running his palms over her goosebumped flesh. 

Vanya closed her eyes, looking perfectly content, and he was struck with a sense of pride in being able to provide and care for her, to make her look this happy and to make sure she was happy. It was possible he didn’t really have the kink he’d lied about, that he just really loved the thought of taking care of her and making sure she was safe. He kissed her nose, telling her he loved her before he trailed down her stomach with small kisses until his mouth pressed to her cunt.

* * *

Some time later, Five found that, even if his words had been made preemptively, he actually very much had a kink _.  _ Lying about having a fetish to take care of somebody was probably not advice he’d give to anybody, ever, but he’d gotten so into watching her eat over the course of a week that it caused an almost Pavlovian response within him every time she even got near the kitchen. 

She enjoyed it too, though, with an almost smug expression when they had their weekly meal at the mansion with the others and she licked the tines of the fork with each bite of food she’d swallow. It grew increasingly frustrating, watching her make small noises that the others raised their brows at but politely didn’t comment on. Eventually, he told the others that he and Vanya had to leave, not really saying goodbye before he grabbed Vanya’s arm and blinked back to her apartment, setting her on the bed and climbing on top of her.

He didn’t know why Vanya enjoyed it unless she just really loved him enough to deal with what was, evidently, a highly specific kink. Or she had that kink before and was too embarrassed to say anything (which he hoped wasn’t the case, considering that meant she’d done this for other people beforehand.) 

However, he knew that she did  _ really  _ like knowing that she could get his undivided attention with something, always too shy to just ask for what she wanted but wanting his affection constantly. He had no problem giving her anything she wanted or needed regardless, but watching her grab toast and stare at him while she ate it to get him to pay attention was also undeniably precious. 

When he worked too long, muttering to himself as he tried to find answers to questions that weren’t even relevant anymore, she’d walk over, sit down on his lap, staring up at him expectantly. Five would force away his smile or his want to reproach her, carry her to the kitchen and focus on her instead. 

Neither of them commented on the fact that they enjoyed it so much, and he was thankful for that. At this point, he’d not have any trouble admitting it to her, but he also liked the thought of discovering things he enjoyed as she did.

* * *

It was when Five was going down on her that he noticed she was  _ softer.  _ No bones stood stark against her skin, and he reverently ran his hand over the slight jutting out over her stomach. She was safe and protected and fed and loved and precious and  _ soft. _

He moved up to kiss her gently, trailing his mouth back down with nips and licks and kisses, relishing in the feeling of her. She was taken care of, and, astoundingly, she’d entrusted him to be the one to take care of her. Even though she was plenty independent on her own, even though he  _ appreciated  _ her independence, Five took no greater pleasure than in the realization that he had done his job well. 

When she started squeaking underneath him, thighs clenching around his neck like a vice, he ran his thumb over her softened legs, appreciating that she would have a better life than he had.

* * *

They’d tired themselves out; Vanya was cuddled up to him, her entire body on his own, leaning down to press their foreheads together. Her nails drew circles over his shoulder as he pulled a blanket over them both, encasing them in warmth. “I had a thought,” she mumbled sleepily, and he made a questioning noise, encouraging her to continue as he pulled her down, wanting the feeling of her bare skin against his own. It was another comfort- the feeling of her, so warm and  _ real.  _ Even if Delores had kept him sane all those years, the feeling of Vanya’s body against his own was healing in its own regard. 

“Would you be willing to…?” She trailed off, making a small, embarrassed noise and pressing her forehead to his chest, hair tickling his arms and shoulder. 

“You can tell me anything you want, Vanya,” Five said, kissing the top of her head. “I’m never going to judge you, no matter what you ask. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but nothing you could ever do would disgust me, dear.” 

Five could feel her cheeks burning against him, and he marvelled again at something so small being so significant. To feel her react to something like embarrassment with her skin warming- it was so  _ human,  _ and he didn’t know how to say he loved her that much more for giving him the experience of intimacy with somebody  _ real.  _ Vanya’s voice was muffled when she spoke again, and he tangled his fingers through her hair, playing with the strands in a way she’d once told him made her feel calm. “Could we try something?”

He smiled at her meekness, like there was anything that would ever change the way he felt about her. It was absurd. Nonetheless, Five gentled his voice as he asked, “What would you like to try?”

* * *

Her face was flaming as she hovered above him, knees on either side of his torso, and he watched in anticipation as she licked a clean stripe across his torso. It had been fitting- choosing marshmallow fluff and peanut butter to spread over his skin. When her tongue swiped above his navel, he groaned loudly, knotting his fingers through her hair and muttering that she was doing a good job. 

Even though she was timidly glancing up at him every few moments, he could see the way the praise made her preen. He patted her head, pressing her back to his torso to continue licking at him. She was delicate in her movements, like she thought somehow that he was going to get hurt by what she was doing. The thought endeared her to him impossibly more, and he wanted nothing more than to tell her that she could hurt him in any way she could imagine and it wouldn’t change the way he felt for her. 

Instead, he told her again, “You’re doing a wonderful job.” When she glanced up at him with a beam and red cheeks, he leaned forward to kiss her softly, grinning at the sweet taste of her lips.

* * *

Five did still tell her many things. It was easy to discuss traumas that were much smaller, much less  _ direct.  _ Even though he hardly ever thought about it that way, Vanya  _ had  _ been the cause of all of his traumas in the apocalypse. Even if she hadn’t meant to cause the world to burn, she would never see it that way, and he hesitated to talk about the horrors of that time because it would hurt her even more. 

So, most of the time, he told her of the Commission. There were still many awful things to unpack there, and it got him adjusted to the feeling of confiding in her again, the way he once had so easily. But they’d been a lot younger then, and he’d never doubted at that point in his life that they would be by each other’s sides forever. Every day that ended with Vanya tucked into his arms left him a little more confident that they wouldn’t be separated again, and, as his trust started to rebuild, he was capable of getting closer and closer to the point of being able to tell her of the apocalypse. 

She confided in him too, and he made a point to always listen whenever she needed him to do so. It was something he’d not been great with when they were younger. Not that he didn’t listen when she  _ did  _ speak, but he did often start talking about himself before she was even capable of doing so. When he had the opportunity to hear her speak after having near complete silence for decades, though, he didn’t say a word until every thought she had was at the surface. 

At first she’d been a little surprised, joking that he’d must have learned listening skills during his time in the Commission. Five had felt a piercing guilt within his stomach, offering her a forced smile that she was either too polite to point out or didn’t notice was false. When she went to sleep after telling him all about her day, cuddling into his side, he wasn’t able to sleep the entire night, staring at the ceiling, waiting for the moment that she decided he wasn’t worth her time. 

It never happened. 

Everyday passed, and everyday she was by his side. He didn’t know what he’d done to get someone like Vanya, but he found himself growing impossibly more and more fond with each moment. There was a life he’d lived without her, sure, but he got to discover so many things about her in the life that came after the one of isolation. 

Five found out that she sometimes thought of writing more books, but she’d never had the courage. He found out that she once tried to take dance lessons, but she’d left the class when he wasn’t there with her, not wanting to embarrass herself in front of a bunch of people unless he was there beside her to do so (as he’d been at the very first dance lessons she’d had, learning ballroom and both embarrassing themselves that day.) She’d grown to like many other foods she’d despised as a kid, but she still loathed oatmeal. 

  
And her telling him these things led to them making their trust grow more. 

He encouraged her to start drafting her next book, a fictional story that was still clearly heavily influenced by their experiences, taking her to the library and adding his own commentary from all she was working on. Even though he was no expert in literature, he told her quotes from specific paragraphs, sections, and chapters in  _ Extra Ordinary  _ that had always stuck with him, giving her insights on things he’d enjoyed as a reader. (She’d thought he’d been joking when he regularly told her that he was her biggest fan, but he’d like to see anybody else in the world have that entire book memorized from cover to cover.) 

When she grew more outgoing as time passed, outwardly reaching out to the others for their advice or companionship, he decided to admit another thing- possibly the most horrifying at all. She learned it when he took her to a dance lesson, grumbling that he was there now and she would have to stay the whole time. She’d raised her brows amusedly, but she’d outright cackled when she realized that he  _ could  _ dance and had a wide variety of knowledge with the different decades’ styles of dancing for the purposes of blending in when he was in the Commission. He rolled his eyes, but he took pleasure in the way her small body tucked against his. 

They both started getting more varied in the foods they ate. Out of necessity, for years, he was unable to eat much at all. In the Commission, he was uncomfortable eating a lot of time because there was simply  _ so much  _ out there. He’d go through phases of eating everything he could and having no appetite at all. Vanya still hated oatmeal; he still hated twinkies. They had an understanding to keep neither around.

* * *

He was fascinated with her in every way imaginable, and, eventually, he asked if he could try something too. Technically, it was the exact same thing she’d asked to try on him, but he could recognize this was a little different, even if she wouldn’t notice it. There wasn’t anyway he could justify this being about feeding her or making her happy, it was entirely his own pleasure. So when he asked her if he could eat food off of her, there was no way he could comfort himself with denial any longer. 

Really, once she’d gained a little weight and didn’t bring back memories of his own starving body, he had no excuses any longer. The period of denial had finally shattered, and he stammered out his request, uncharacteristically embarrassed. 

She’d simply raised her brows at him, lips twitching, trying to force off amusement. 

“What?” Five snapped, feeling terribly insecure and thus terribly moody. 

“Did you think I was going to say no or something?”

Five blinked, jaw dropping before he hastily forced his mouth into a thin line. 

She gentled her tone, “Five, I have no problem trying new things with you, you know. Especially when we’ve pretty much done this before… there really is not any change except that the peanut butter is on me this time. Oh wait, make sure not to like put it on-“

“I got it,” Five interrupted. 

“Because you know the pH levels can easily be affected by that kind of thing.”

“Yes, I’m aware; I’ve got it.”

“Like absolutely still on me, but like  _ orifices-“ _

“I  _ know.”  _

She leaned back against the headboard, “Okay. Good. Now that that’s clear.”

“I sometimes think you were put on this earth by the universe to test my patience.”

“How’s that going for you?” 

“I’m very happy, and the universe can suck it.” 

Vanya giggled, dragging him to the kitchen. When he stared at her in confusion, she asked, “You think I’m going to ruin a perfectly good set of sheets for this when we haven’t had sex on the table in weeks?”

“Well, yeah, because Klaus came over for a few weeks.”

“He wouldn’t have cared. He’d have said it was free entertainment,” Vanya said as she hopped onto the table and started shrugging off her t-shirt. “Honestly, if any of them cared, it would be Luther.”

“Why Luther?” Five swept all of the notebooks to the side and nudged her forward, getting her to lay on her back and stare up at him. “Why not… I dunno… Diego?”

“Diego isn’t modest or a prude, Five. I have seen him send bedroom eyes to Ben and Klaus at the same dinner. And Ben is a  _ ghost.  _ That has some pretty freaky connotations.”

“Yeah, but Luther is with Allison. As G-Rated as they act in public, you know the second they’re alone they get weird.” 

Vanya snorted, “You think they think the same about us?”

“I’m pretty sure they  _ know  _ the same thing about us.”

She grinned, and he blinked to the cabinets, grabbing peanut butter and marshmallow fluff before going back to her. He made a point to only slip off her pants, leaving on her underwear so she wouldn’t worry about getting an infection or anything else. The more he thought about that, he wanted to admit all of his guilt, but he held strong.

That is, until he was licking along her chest and he noticed the way her collarbones didn’t stick out enough to make his heart clench. Before he knew what was happening, he was confessing everything, unable to stop speaking until she’d heard every single thing he’d lied about, everybody he’d done harm (and, for the most part, none of it even applied to her.) 

When he stopped speaking, he realized that he’d been talking for multiple hours, her holding onto his arm. They were sitting on the couch, and he didn’t even remember getting there. It was an uncomfortable realization, knowing that he had lost time. His body trembled, tears starting to fall, and Vanya pulled him close, not speaking until he abruptly apologized for speaking so long. 

“You don’t have to apologize,” she mumbled, stroking his hair. “It’s okay.” 

“You’re not mad at me?” His face was muffled from being tucked into her chest, and he imagined she was resisting the urge to comment on it. He didn’t deserve her. 

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“For lying to you? About all this?”

“Oh,” Vanya chuckled, and he winced, worried that she was laughing at him. “You talk in your sleep, Five. I had kinda caught onto it already. It was pretty easy to agree to it when I knew it helped you out. Plus, I found myself really enjoying all of it.” 

_ “Oh.” _

She kissed the top of his head, “I’m never going to judge you for anything like that, Five. You went through a  _ lot,  _ and it was my fault in the first place-“

“No, it wasn’t,” he cut her off recalcitrantly. “I shouldn’t have jumped forward into the future in the first place.”

“You were thirteen, Five. I was almost thirty.” 

He didn’t answer, knowing he couldn’t argue with that. 

“I love you, Five, and that won’t stop for anything. I loved you for seventeen years when I didn’t even know where you were, even if I didn’t have a word for it. You’re not ever going to lose me, not with any quirks or whatever else.” 

“Thank you,” he mumbled. 

She smiled, adding with a teasing tone, “Truly, how could you not believe I loved you when our couch is now covered in peanut butter?”

“Oh god,” he groaned. “That will be such a bitch to wash.”

“Maybe we should agree to not try this again.”

“Yeah.” He noticed her expression, “Unless… we agreed to  _ only _ do it in the kitchen?”

“And add more marshmallow fluff?”

“If that’s… what works for you?” 

“It really does, and you will tell  _ no one _ about it.”

“Agreed.”

He blinked her to the kitchen, placing her on the counter. His hands worked quickly to spread more of the fluff against her chest before he glanced up at her, smiling. “You know I really love you too, right?”

“You just accepted with no argument at all that I prefer the sensation of marshmallow fluff to peanut butter on my chest. Of  _ course  _ I know you love me.” 

Five laughed, pressing his hand against her hip bone pressing her down to the counter. He marvelled at the softness of her body, of the healthy complexion of her skin, of the brightness in her eyes. She was taken care of now, and he would make sure she was taken care of always. 

Even though it had taken a while to get to this point, everyday they were growing. They trusted one another again, and they found light at the end of all of the darkness behind them. Though they would never be perfect, and truly, nobody ever could, they at least loved each other. They were willing to  _ work  _ for one another.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading!!! 💕💕💕


End file.
